Jonah Goldberg on USA Today

Jonah Goldberg is a more effective writer than Ann Coulter because he is funnier, less abrasive, and more accurate. Thus, USA Today upgraded its "Republican from Boston" feature more than it expected when Coulter ditched McPaper and Goldberg replaced her.

Today's column from Goldberg is a mini-classic. And here is your excerpt:

They [Democrats] insisted that Bush was some sort of criminal mastermind and buffoon who could orchestrate a war for oil while not being smart enough to work as a spellchecker at an M&M factory. Countless anti-Bush canards contradicted each other, but consistency was a luxury the Democrats could not afford.

The problem for them is that not even the now decidedly anti-Bush press can conceal the fact that virtually none of the[ir] allegations were true. The Senate Intelligence Committee report, the British Butler Report and the 9/11 Commission report undermine every key allegation of the anti-Bush flat-earthers. The 9/11 Commission, which was being hailed as an oracular council of truth and light when it made Bush look bad, has essentially said the Patriot Act does not go far enough (and Ashcroft, by the way, never even poked his nose in a library); that Bush never lied and that several of Bush's more famous accusers did — including those who, knowing otherwise, insisted that Bush's "16 words" about Saddam Hussein's pursuit of uranium were lies.

Unfortunately for the Democrats, it's too late to revise the anti-Bush narrative. Speaker after speaker made references to Bush's failings and "crimes" as though everyone's on the same page of the script. Indeed, one of the chief authors of that script — filmmaker Michael Moore — sat with Jimmy Carter in his presidential box Monday night.

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The Boston Democrats are running on the fumes of a Bush-record-that-never-was. They gripe about how he's cut education spending, when he's increased it by more than 35%. They claim he lied about WMDs when he didn't. They say he's violated civil liberties when he's been fighting for the survival of liberty. They're betting everything that they can cross the finish line before the American public realizes that the Democrats are coasting on an empty tank.