To Court TV, Fox News, CNN, [MS]NBC and Bloomberg:
The Monk hereby declares his availability for consulting and commentary on legal issues large and small, both on camera and on background. The Monk has practiced law for nearly 10 years. The Monk has no mental insecurity that would require him to spout off on legal issues about which he knows nothing, unlike a prominent commentator for a news company owned by News Corp.
In addition, The Monk has never been censured or reprimanded by any of the courts of appeals to which he has submitted briefs, nor has he ever suborned perjury, unlike a commentator who has her own show for a certain Atlanta-based news organization. Indeed, The Monk's ethics are beyond reproach and he is a member in good standing of two of the nation's largest bar organizations.
Salary negotiable on per appearance, retainer and annual bases.