Thursday, August 03, 2006

from THE GUT

A change of pace - outrageous humor from Greg Gutfeld:


2. Muslim Fun Day cancelled:

A MUSLIMS-only day at Britain's biggest theme park has been axed after a huge bookings flop.

Organisers Islamic Leisure had hoped to attract 28,000 people to the event at Alton Towers, Staffs, on September 17 - but less than 1,000 tickets were sold.

The fun day - exclusively revealed by The Sun - caused a race row after plans to ban mixed-sex rides, smoking, alcohol and gambling.

Gutfeld: No smoking, alcohol or gambling on "fun day." And we wonder why so many young Muslim extremists are willing to blow themselves up? If my lifestyle involved this kind of "fun" I'd probably strap on some explosives and blow up a bus in Tel Aviv, too. And I'm Jewish.


3. "Breaking News":

Laurie David: Using a private plane makes me a hypocrite!
Hezbollah: We're terrorists!
Sheehan: I stopped taking my meds two years ago!
UN: We hate Jews!
Arianna Huffington: Marrying that rich gay guy was my best career move!
Suri Cruise: Somebody please kidnap me!
Democrats: We're glad things aren't going well in Iraq!

4. 75 Questions to Ask Any Progressive including:

- Can you come up with one good thing America has done in its entire history?
- Can you come up with a single realistic solution for Iraq, other than saying it was a mistake?
- IF 'dissent is patriotic' then why are you guys being so brutal to Joe Lieberman for dissenting from you on Iraq?
- How many plasma TVs have you purchased over the last 5 years of economic depression?
- Do you hate old ladies who say "god bless you" when you sneeze?
- Would you reject any life-saving drug if it was tested on animals?
- How come all of you were suspicious of Arianna when she was a Republican yet think her aspirations now that she's a 'progressive' are based upon deep conviction?
- If a tornado hit your home would you blame Bush?
- If your wife blew the pool guy would you blame Bush?
- Do you feel good when bad stuff happens to America? Are you stuck in that horrible little place that prevents you from feeling anything positive about the country you call home?
- Are israeli soldiers more contemptible than terrorists?
- How did we come to hate the President of the United States more than Saddam Hussein and bin-Laden?
- Do you really think the troops believe your 'I Support the Troops' mantra?
- Do you really think anyone bought your compassion for New Orleans when once the Bush bashing capital was spent - you stopped caring?
- Anyone heard from Tookie lately?

Wow. That's cold.

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